I'm sorry dear, i love you.

Assalamualaikum and good night people..tonight, i was supposed to write something happy, encouraging for i already left my blog over 2 months. but again, i do not have that much to talk about happy hours for my life lately wounding with great sadness..i can't put my feelings on icons, they are no match with what i truly felt.

I don't know what  have i done over last 3 weeks. my tempered was all out of control, i can't afford to see people mistakes and weaknesses, great especially those pertaining me and my stuff. i can easily get mad! but really though, this is all sudden phenomena happen in certain times. i can't really explain why am i get mad over weeks without no clear points, but it keep happen and i don't know why. 

i supposed this was normal at first, getting angry? who not? but i can get my mood in very baddest condition for more than 3 weeks. and what happen within those weeks, i kept myself in my room, i try to isolating myself from people around so i will not get people into any emotional harms even i know they did thought something "ominous" could happen worst if they mess up.

for now i'm trying to hold my anger, i can't really do nothing. just write this feeling down with emo-explanation and i try to construct words as polite as possible.

is it normal? i wanna ask my dear friends, whom they have this reasonable explanation so that i know how to go deep to find the causes and solve those at the same time. 

and the worst part is, i let  all this anger turn over my bf. how besotted i am. sayang, i know u quite hurt when i constantly let my anger out to you, and i do thank Allah for giving me someone nice and patient like you. I love you and really, i mean it. i meant no hurt nor harm. it's just i can't help it. owh gee, i'm crying. i can't even posses how great that hurt u got when i did something ruthless and yet pretending like "he's ok". really, i do mean my highest apology about all these things going on especially to you.

i know, people can keep saying this, madness drove my way to immature, etc..but yet, my love akey, do really understand what am i going through. and i keep letting him down! really sayang, forgive your hubby. listen to the background song, "when it's for real it's forever so don't forget about us". i indicate that line for just a simple specification towards us. I LOVE YOU.

perhaps today entry was a little longer, and thanks for hearing my little inner voice out. this is sincerely go for my love. and those ones i hurt, i do demand forgiveness. i really never meant it to be that way.  :'( 

conversation!

Assalamualaikum..wow again, i din update my blog for almost a month. so, at first, my up was nothing special.LOL. since everything seems normal as i used to faced before. when people talking about my academic, i suppose i'm pretty fine.actually, i have no clear motif on updating this blog, just to renew the older though. all in all, on the other hand i do have something to share with you guys.it's all about conversation, irrespective it's general or not. enjoy k.

first common question people always ask me to.

1) how will you act when people call you arrogant?

well, i guess it's normal. arrogant is human necessity. all people are arrogant sometimes, but do notice, not all people are open mind with this bless gift from god. we were thought to be arrogant to certain people in certain conditions. i don't have to give my personal examples, i do know u do have your one. Arrogant sometimes use to protect your rights, from being judged negatively by low-thinking of certain commoners. so there's nothing wrong to be an arrogant as long as you are doing it right with excellent reasons. back to the question, how will I act? personally, i refuse to continue the conversation, whether it's a practical conversation neither it is technical conversation. ya, if you are talking more, people find more mistakes and make those as their point to strong their opinion up about you being arrogant. hahaha, how unfortunate..so stay straight to the key, "silent the conversation immediately". only when the time is right, don't miss your chance to re-heat everything again. that's just how you color your life. don't expect something good will always continue to bloom. 

2) how to eradicate or prevent common starts

hahaha, this often happen in a conversation. especially with a person you talking everyday with. how to turn the conversation on in a very different way in every conversation you made? well, i'm no expert, but since they asked, i do happy to give you my humble opinions. if you are having a daily technical conversation, it'll be boring if you starts everything with "what are you doing", "how are you" and etc.. this happens on facebook, twitter, and any other mediums. people tend to ask more unnecessary questions. so to prevent this, always share your stories. it's not wrong to share joys, your interesting moments to people, but do consider the limitation as well. respect your privacy so then people will respect you more. unless you're so close each other, u'll know how to put the limitation between you guys. remember, do share stories. it'll be less fun at first, but train this way in every conversation you are in. 

3) how to reply peoples' comments/posts smartly

easy dear, straight to the point! especially if you are using english, it'll look so lame and over sometimes. but in other cases, you used to have such long flowery reply with your old friends, it's acceptable.  but consider that with people you just know. show a positive perspective about yourself to others and someone new. :)

4) how to maintain the level heat of your conversation?

another common question especially when you are talking with the one you admire the most. hehehe..first is language. make that all the same. do sacrifice, i mean, use language her/his. if they talking in english, do reply in english and so do other language. the rational is quite easy, they can express their selves much more easier in their language they comfort with. they'll be more talkative for sure. second, always give response. the less reply you can give is "uhuh", "okay", "yeah" or use suitable body language. third, allow them to express their opinion freely. do agree sometimes. do not stick and force them to accept your ideology. they'll loose the mood and start getting boring. you bored them! 

ok guys, those four questions answered based on my experience and personal thought. remember, talking and speaking is a gift, use them smartly to connect you to other people.  in time, i'll reply the other questions soon k..hehe..luv you.. :)

finally, after two months..

 Assalamualaikum guys..wow, guess what, i din renew my updates about  two months! well, good to be back. i have so many thing i wanna share, but i'll focused just on some topics which are very interesting happened to me 2 months back. first of all, after i broke up with ezwan, i'm single and now, yes,now i'm still single. it's not really good to have couple when you have more major thing to focus on. so that's it. single!

anyway, this week is my last week at sarawak. by the end of this week, i'm going back to Sabah. gee, i miss my mom's cook badly! foods here aren't bad, but the aura of my mom's cook isn't comparable. 

my life is good, i mean back in 2011, there were always filled with lacklustre atmospheres. despite all those thing happened, i'm having a great time in 2012. as a 20 years old guy, i do enjoy my world.

now i'm still in learning processes, i mean, i'm learning english. i do know i'm quite good, but i still have more to investigate on. differentiate the slang,the pronunciation as well as spelling. 

i'm making no close friend. that's probably because i'm not even try to get close to people..i have a little suspicious when they want to meet me personally IN THEIR ROOM. sorry guys, i do understand your intention_to have a friendly talk. and i'm absolutely fine with that. but i don't know, people say, the get badly addictive when having first conversation and want to go for second and next. so the probability of getting sexual intention is high. that's definitely not my aim of making friend.

now maybe you know me via facebook, or other medium, i'm so happy to know you more. don't worry, i'm not asking about your background, because i have a good way to find all that out. :)

just today, a few minutes ago, a guy by the name azarul mustama helped me create a twitter account which is a little hard for me to pass on. now i have a new twitter account, but i really don't get the purpose. twit in english mean you are mumbling, murmuring and talking nonsense. but since this is a developed interaction media, just get use to it.

now i have so many friend with various personalities. of course i can't talk about them all and some of them were blocked by because they were doing some inappropriate thing, which make they look more besotted and insolent sometimes. 

speaking about endearment, i don't have one. i happened to have one if only i'm in relationship. you know, that "hubby" stuff. quite appreciated though.

i read a lot of thing on facebook. so many personality. thank God most of my friends are quite informative. they post something useful. like one thing syed yusry did, he posted about the appearance of pimples and pertained it with the state of health in different part of body. some of them posted something about Islam, new news and articles. i won't waste the chance to read all those since television is not available in my hostel.

now i'm in process of perpetuating my friendship. i do realize i kind of lost contact with some people, and i do not know how to light the spirit between they and I.

actually so many thing i want to write on, unfortunately i have to limit it since most of you guys is not really attracted to personal feeling..hahaha..it's fine anyway.

have a blessed day and good morning dears. ASSALAMUALAIKUM.

Yawning~ just a normal day to talk about..

Assalamualaikum..today my day was flat..the only good thing happened was spoke on the phone with my love one..other than that, its just normal. the ecstatic deteriorated. joy seems to be slowly low and down..LOL

maybe it was just me, i don't know, my interpretation might be wrong.

speaking about my love one ( i know, he's reading this statement with genuine smile), i should really find a way to lighten our relationship up. i mean, besides calling plus texting, it's not good enough right? geez..i'm such a charlatan by he fact that my best contribution in my relationship i can only do are just call and text..it's call long-distance relationship..it fights for full loyal and trust.

bebii, hubby miss u dear..we can't have a real physical contact, not to mention in a rendezvous as well..but all that matter is we love each other.  

my days filled with yawns..and calling my lover again..

seriously bebii, i love to hear when you say "muuuwwah"..owh..i'm melting away..LOL..

p/s: always find an excuse to make he say 'muuuwah' again on the next call..hihi

TEMPERED!

Assalamualaikum..updated again..today my day was so bitter! i don't know..since early of this morning, i think i know the point was..it's all about my best friend..we were accused to have a relationship behind my lover's back while in fact, we were just friend..i'm aggravated! my ecstatic was slowly diminished! ya, perhaps this entry will be more longer than usual, since i want to let my infuriate feels punching the page like the real momentum when i apply it physically on the wall! geez...

OK, let me get one thing straight! i'm a loyal lover..i did not and never playing with someone's heart..if you consider so, go ahead! i'm standing on the truth..just my way is not that brilliant like you want me to be.

this morning my tempered raised, and i can't get hold my self..

in my days, i used to be a patience guy, but today, just today, i hit the wall and let the pain out! truly, my anger can't be obscured..i failed to refrain my self from being good, well and nice either. see, thing just keeps getting worst and worst..

and tonight my boyfriend called, i do really happy..i'm having chill when i heard his voice, but guess what? just temporary..i blamed everything on my anger and suck mood today..when i emotionally at higher temperature, i can't really-really accept even a smallest mistake made! my mother knew about my habit! i only deal with perfection. seriously today, i went to my old habit!

well, just today..i'm hoping my day will make up great for tomorrow..

and i'm so sorry my bebii, i didn't mean to hurt you, it's just my anger go all over me, i can't really see the truth me by the time we are talking on the phone...plus, i'm not in my good condition due to the rainy and ex/in-hale were a bit..you know..i told you about that right..i always love you..

my best friend, prince sawamura help me to set things right..plus he gave me a song to calm myself down..i have to admit, it's not helping but i do appreciate the way he cares about me. 

i can't tell my friends this, well, i guess they'll know it by their self latter..since some of 'em are my followers..today was tough emotionally.. all i can do was hit the wall.. =.="

finally i make myself right by sitting alone on my bed, typing something and sang songs as loud as i can..it helps..i got my smile again, and all the thing i have to settle in is my relationship..i really have to beg for his forgiveness.. ALLAH, please help me with your blesses..

Facebook oh Facebook!

Assalamualaikum, my entry today is about facebook..but i'll write everything in malay k..since some of the info might be important for you to master on..

ok, bila cakap sal fb, dalam fikiran kita selalunya kawan2, couple, bisnes, updating status, likes, picture dan ada juga yang ambil kesempatan cari jodoh..bagus la tu..ok, faiz nak kongsi sikit kat korang k, adab bersosial dalam fb, apa yang perlu dan tidak perlu korang tahu..hehe

GAMBAR/DP (Abbreviation for Default Picture)

ok, cakap sal gambar, hanya 10% pengguna facebook yang memaparkan gambar asli tanpa sebarang perubahan (edit). tapi x apa, edit tu normal la kan, dalam laman sosial kita memang terdorong untuk memberi posisi terbaik untuk dikenali. pandang pertama penting kan? tapi ada juga yg fake, siap pakai gmbar budak2 hot dah tu buat relationship lak ngan org lain pakai gmbar yg bukan miliknya (waah~). kecewa si couple..hehe..

ada gak letak gmbar idola, letak gambar bunga, rumah, kereta..faiz x faham meseg apa yang korg nak sampaikan pada org yg korang nak kenali,tapi kalau org lain berkorban letak gambar sendiri untuk dikenali, kenapa tidak anda kan? tapi bagi faiz  masih tidak ada masalah, selagi tidak menganggu ketenteraman bersosial..hehe

info

haaa, yg ni antara elemen yg sangat diabaikan dalam ruang sosial. sebab kita ada ruangan chat untuk bertanya itu dan ini..x sampai 30% org tgk info sbelum nak add org, selalunya org akan tgk gmbar, nilai baru buat keputusan nak add atau tidak..kan? tapi kalau boleh, letaklaa alamat yang tepat dan masuk akal. faiz salah seorang pengguna yg mementingkan info, sebab berkenalan mestilah tahu asas2 info sahabat. kalau asas pun da x benar, kredibiliti anda diragui. ingat guys, tak ramai org positif k. letak jaa nama tempat tggl, x susah kan? kesian kat org2 macam faiz k.. :)

status

kalau da ada facebook, maka status wajib k..tapi hanya 20% pengguna di Malaysia yang menggunakan facebook sebagai medium selain bersosial, contohnya berniaga, promosi, gamers dan beberapa kategori lain yang setara. jadi kategori pengguna begini bukan pengguna sosial yang ingin menambah kenalan, tapi mencari manfaat untuk memajukan perniagaan, yang gamers tu hanya sekadar berhibur. tapi jangan risau, diorang adalah liker yang setia..hehe..sebab diorg nak korang like status diorg balik n tgk apa yg diorg promosi..kot2 sangkut kan??

ok, itu kategori berbeza, faiz nak cakap sal kategori umum, orang yang menggunakan status facebook sebagai medium bersosial. maklumlaa..."what's on your mind" selalu membunuh privasi manusia..haha!! nak gi tandas pun jadi status, biar satu MALAYSIA tahu..nasib baiklaa setakat ni faiz x pernah jmpa lagi status yg describe apa yang dia buang kat mangkuk tandas tu..wahahaha..ada juga ahli fikir, mementingkan konsep anjakan paradigma, ada status dakwah, status laporan..pendek kata, sedar atau tidak, "what's on your mind" sangat membunuh privasi anda. jadi berhati2 lain kali ya..hehe..kenal limitasi anda..tidak semua perkara wajar dikongsi jauh sekali untuk menjadi info kawan2 seMalaysia..haha

likes dan likers

ehem..ni satu elemen yang menentukan hierarki dalam laman sosial..kalau HOT, maka banyaklaa likenya, kalau tidak, faham2 la k...kalau yang da HOT tu, buat status cipan poon beratus org like..kan? normal laa..nak bagi tahu sesuatu k, jangan buat..orang HOT tidak suka anda 'serang' wall dia dengan like anda bila status terkini tak sampai 5 minit pun dipublish..faham x? ok, faiz terangkan, kan kalau dia buat status sekali berpuluh orang like dalam masa yg singkat, tiba2 pulak anda dengan obsessi anda menambah kekalutan. sedikit menjengkelkan ya..hehe..mungkin sesetengah orang mahukan perhatian, lupakan k...susah nak dapat perhatian istimewa dan khusus dari budak HOT..hahahaha..

ada juga yang like tapi langsung tak baca, lalu jaa macam tu..hanya sekadar memenuhi tuntutan bersosial dan dianggap 'hadir' oleh si pembuat status..lain kali singgah la baca kejap k..scan2 ringan..masukla komen, jadi penat menaip dia tu berbayar juga kan? jadi rasa dihargai juga sedikit..hehe..faiz da bg teknik bberkawan dalam laman sosial ni..jadi manfaatkan..

komen dan pengomen

ok yang ni sangat subjektif ya, ingat guys, JANGAN BUAT PERKARA2 YG FAIZ SENARAIKAN KAT BAWAH NI K, ORANG MENYAMPAH :-

- time status sedih dan penuh perasaan, kat situlah nak promo blog, gambar, etc.. dalam laman sosial, bila status sedih atau sentimental maka si pembuatnya mahukan perhatian dan sokongan. jadi JANGAN ROSAKKAN MOOD DAN KEADAAN..agak-agak la k..

-yang kedua selalu tersimpang dari tema status.. yang ni selalu berlaku kat status budak2 HOT..contohnya bila budak HOT ni buat status, kat situlaa budak2 subscribers nak berkenalan, nak minta add, nak minta nombor telefon. kalau buat camni kat status faiz, faiz padam! tegas k..kalau nak 'approval' kena pada tempat..cool k, dalam laman sosial anda tidak perlu terlalu mendesak diri untuk menambah kenalan. faham kan?

-kalau faiz buat status, faiz takun nak tekan "see more" kat ruangan pengomen. bila tekan nak tahu apa jadi?? haa..tgk ni..

♥ SAya meNYuKai status/PiCs AndA♥
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haaa..terkejut x? sebenarnya bang dan kak, x ada masalah k, tapi kita mengambil kira konsep lambat-cepat 'line' seseorang..bila da bukak komen macam ni, terutama kat ruangan 'Home' ya, proses loading akan menjadi sangat dan lebih rumit! ramai orang tidak perasan, sekarang saya perasankan anda! boleh buat, tapi biar terkawal ya..anda juga dihargai sebab melabuhkan komen..hehehe...

-komen yang berbaur cemburu..apa perasaan korg, bila korg komen2 emo ngan member2 pastu masuk plak komen dari hamba ALLAH..biar faiz bg contoh kat bawah k..

azman: sabar k salim..semua ketentuan ALLAH, x semua org dapat yg     terbaik dalam hidup kan??

you: tanx azman, tapi aku sakit hati doeh..aku sayang kat dia, tapi dia wat camni kat aku..

mira: sabar k, azman ko nasihat kawan ko baik2 k..kesian kat dia ni..

you: tanx mira..ko selalu ambil berat sal aku..

azman: mira: yee, aku tahu..da tanggungjawab aku..rilek k..

mira: x ada masalah la kawan..itulah gunanya kawan kan?

HAMBA ALLAH: poyo!

???????????? x ke sengal korang baca komen tiba2 macam tu?? so korang, JANGAN buat k, tahulah tiada sekatan dalam laman sosial, tapi sedar atau tidak anda melimitasikan ruang lingkup sosial anda..azman, mira dan you x nak kawan ngan korg, tgk, da hilang 3 kawan kan?? jadi jangan buat!

-desprate! time komen2 tu plak, dapatla nombor telefon..hahaha..niat anda baik, mungkin sekadar berkenala, tapi ingat guys, tidak semua manusia positif dengan tujuan kita! jadi elakkan perkara2 yg menimbulkan anggapan negatif camni k..hehe

group

dalam laman sosial ni, group2 tertentu dicipta oleh 'pencipta'/admin kerana ada persamaan yang hanya dia yg nampak..hahaha! jadi ttg group ni faiz x ada entry yg menarik, semuanya normal kan? with group, you can always meet new people..tag nama2 yg bukan dalam friendlist korg..hehe..enjoy k..tanx to the admin..

pokes

bagi faiz, poke has no point..it's the pointless facebook's application in existence! kalau nak disedari kehadiran anda, banyak cara selain poke kan? komen, kalau x boleh, send private message kat diorg..tapi still, x ada masalah bg faiz..faiz sendiri ada lebih dari 1000++ pokes..mmg x terlayan..hehe

adoiii..setakat ni itu la dulu k..penat menaip..so selamat bersosial, ikut cara yg betul dan disenangi k..baru orang suka..hehe.. ASSALAMUALAIKUM.

A Little Something.. For A Special Someone..

Assalamualaikum..it's weird to start something with a song, but i have to. the song tells everything. well, i support the contain with my story then. believe me or not, it's hard to forget memories, especially with your old-best one, elevated as your couple. it's really,really hard. i miss him terribly..but i respect his desire, if he want space, i'll give him time to recover everything,,"i'm too good" is not a concrete reason to stand on break, but i completely understand.

now i'm running in a pre-relationship..actually i kind of a lil guilt on put this thing straight, i do love him, but i do miss my ex neither..he text me this morning and explain everything..i stunt..when the truth revealed, then you know what you did during the distance and gap were away so wrong. see, this is the weakness of being a guy, our tests are all over the map! one thing for sure, i stack on the road i didn't  and never go to before. in my phone, i still kept that special folder where all your pictures are in, i still play our theme songs again and again.  

it's not my place to compare every relationship i had, because i ran my life with each one of them certainly in different way of various aspects. a bit deplore of course, self disturbance, and heartache..the choice i made really brought me down.. but i have to look forward right?  but, still i'm running in a delicate problem, which one i really have to pay attention to look forward to? the one with me know or the one who said "give me space"? i guess i just let my self physically and mentally flow through this thing and see what might happen. 

today i read his blog, the official elevation stated, i'm his real partner by the status of couple..i do really happy for unsure situation, i mean, i really don't expect this thing will go this far..i miss the old relationship, but at the same time i have to maintain my love celsius in the current one. i can't grab two loves at one particular time, i have to let one go. that's the least thing i have to do and i will do.. just for this moment, i'll keep this thing down and live my life as happier while enjoying the relationship made with my bebii, tengku daniel hafiziee..i do love him so much..it's inexpressible...watering all over the situations, i just have to step on wise and nice so then i don't ruin two hearts..ALLAH, lead me to the best way to end this thing well..